It’s hard to believe how far I’ve come in less than a year. I’ve done so much since then. I’ve evolved. Like, magikarp to gyarados kind of evolved. And this isn’t even my final form.

The project that was mentioned all those months before is still in the works, it’s just been put on the backburner for the time being until I gather all the supplied needed. I don’t have all my supplies because I could only take a select few things with me when I left.

“Left to where?” you ask? Motherfucking California, bitches. SoCal is my official home. Kiss my ass, Midwest.

I’m just kidding. I love St. Louis. I reluctantly love Illinois. I love the people I met, the opportunities I’ve had. I love the people who I am still friends with even though I’m nearly 2,000 miles away. I love the people who were catalysts in my decision to leave. Granted, I didn’t defect because of them, they just factored into it. Without them, I’d still be sweating my ass off in that ungodly humidity. Without them, I wouldn’t be here. 

Here. In California. Wow.

California is the land of opportunity. I have lived her for three weeks and the adventures have been nonstop. Midnight trips to the beach. Watching Ruby Rose perform. SAN DIEGO. Being almost trampled while trying to take photos of Chinese celebrities at airports. This shit would not ever happen back in the Midwest. 

However, I do miss my family. I miss seeing my friends whenever I wanted, and I miss my cats and dogs. I miss Seoul Taco, the best damn restaurant I’ve ever known. I miss so many things. Everything feels so disconnected at times, but I am extremely lucky. It’s not everyday you have the opportunity to drop everything and relocate to the West Coast, and still have a pretty great support system already. I’m talking to you, SoCal line!

I’m just really glad, and blessed, to be here.  



[150724] Z.Tao @ LAX 


I wasn’t expecting there to be so many fans at the airport! I almost got trampled at one point, though that was due to my clumsiness.

Anyway. Z.TAO!

I can’t believe I saw him in real life. How can he be even more handsome in person?! msjzmn and I even sang lyrics from his new single as he walked up and he smiled so brightly it rivaled the sun. I wasn’t very fast so I only got pictures from the back. Below are other fan taken photos from LAX.


I don’t know if you can distinguish my voice, but I was definitely singing!

(This was right after we sang “W-wait a minute, hold up!” He looks so happy!)




I did give him a gift: a crappy letter, a small painting of him that I am now ashamed of, and a mix cd. Yes. A mix cd. Full of rap and other stuff. I doubt that anyone can decipher the chicken scratch on the back…

I should have included more Drake…

One of the girls was kind enough to put my envelope in her silver gift bag for him (see the photos at the top!) so he definitely got it! Now all I can do is hope he found some joy in my gift, whether it’s happiness or if it gave him a good laugh.

I hope Z.Tao has a nice time back in LA. He’s been working so hard since his first visit to America this year, all for his new mini album. Check out the music video to his new single T.A.O! He looks so good, OMG!


So, spoiler alert: I’m working on something.

Something big. Something HUGE. Something I can’t divulge to the masses yet. Not because I don’t want to (because I really wanna talk about it) but because there are outside forces keeping me from saying a single word. But I guarantee you, folks, it’ll be fucking rad.

All the same, I still try to keep up with my doodles. I am working a lot of overtime nowadays–I’m talking 16-30 extra hours a week–so when it’s late and I’m done with my tasks I break my sketchbook open and try to exercise my pencil and my mind. And drawing attractive boys from Korean-Chinese pop bands seems to help!



Things I Love Thursday: March 26, 2015

It’s been nearly a year (shy two months) since I’ve done a Things I Love Thursday. Let’s remedy that, shall we? Because I have a lot of things to add to this mother-flippin’ list. But for time purposes, I’ll keep it down to five.

1. Thomas Sanders

Usually these things aren’t listed from most to least favorite, or vice versa. But hot damn, I gotta put Thomas Sanders first. You’ve seen his vines. Everyone has seen his vines. This is the homie that does the Narrating People’s Lives (“Storytime!”) vines and they are hilarious. He’s even got his own youtube channel, and pretty much every word he says/sings melts my heart of ice. Also, he’s a theatre buff?!?! Do I need to tell y’all how much theatre means to me (and how pretentious I look by spelling “theatre” that way)??!?!?!?!

I need to add this as well: he’s actually contributed to the recuperation of my mental state. Okay, okay, yeah, it sounds stupid. A famous viner makes me feel less self-destructive. Honestly, yeah! His messages are always filled with happiness and love and being true to yourself. I believe God put this precious real-life Disney prince on this earth to be an sign of peace,  beacon of hope. Thomas Sanders is a national treasure and must be protected at all costs. At. All. Costs.

(He favorited four of my tweets this week and I almost shed a tear of joy.)

2. Blood

Vampires. Surgeons. Love. Vampire surgeons in love. What doesn’t this drama have?

Since Blood is a brand spanking new drama to hit the television screen, I am not able to binge-watch the whole show like I am accustomed to. Two episodes each week, twenty episodes total. Now, it’s no My Love From Another Star, but it’s friggin’ fantastic by my standards. Fights, blood (though it makes me a bit queasy), slow-burning romance. Ambiguous as hell characters that really piss me off! Are you evil or nah?

Park Ji Sang (played by Ahn Jae Hyun) is a top-notch surgeon in Korea, but he has a secret: he’s been infected with the VBT-01 virus since birth. This virus has turned him, and few others, into what we know as vampires. Obviously, other vampires discover him and attempt to kill him in nearly every episode. And of course we have the beautiful human love interest in the form of shit-talking sass-master Doctor Yoo Ri Ta (played by Gu Hye Sun).

3. Dark Room lipstick by Melt Cosmetics

Melt is my favorite make-up company, hands down. All their lipsticks are matte and each color is wonderfully vibrant. So far I have obtained, By Starlight, DGAF, and Dark Room. I’m eyeing Bane next. Oooooh, I just love the tones in Dark Room! When I wear it I feel like a really cool villain, or an evil queen (which could be the same thing, but whatever I look awesome).

4. Agent Carter

Ah, Peggy Carter. Be still, my heart.

The first season has ended, and it makes me really sad because it was only eight episodes. And each day I pray that  this show gets a second season. This show has everything. EVERYTHING. Forreal.

Humor, fighting the patriarchy with fists and one-liners. ESPIONAGE. Badass ladies who kick ass and still have femininity. Bisexual Howard Stark (I mean, come on, he practically spells it out for us), freaking Edwin Jarvis, and probably my favorite thing from the show, Peggy beating the shit out of men to the tunes of Peggy Lee.

Peggy Carter makes me feel ready to take on the world.

5. 한글 (Hangul)

This is a shot of my  Korean notebook. Oh geez, it’s so messy.

My friend Brittney, and a whole lot of K-dramas and videos of Korean culture, really influenced me to take up learning Hangul. And, readers, it is so much fun! The language is beautiful, Korean food is hella dope (have you ever had kimchi soup? Hot DAMN), their culture and history is inspiring.

Right now I’m learning the Hangul alphabet and basic Korean words and phrases through KWOW (Korean Word of the Week) on the sweetandtasty YouTube channel. The videos are so cute and fun while still being informative. Also, it’s true what they say about learning another language: repetition helps! Songs, films, television shows. USE THEM. You will pick up on phrases they say and how they are said and how they are used in sentences. Like, there are six different ways to say sorry, and it all depends on who you speak to.

And since I’m a dork, I got the Hangul keyboard on my phone and I can write out my name in Hangul as well.

Now Playing: The Bleak Mid-Winter

Music has always been a way for people to express themselves, to show a part of them that might not be shown in words or actions. My playlists are for certain moods that I’m in. Or for fictional characters that I really enjoy. Like, I have a playlist for when I’m pissed off. It’s called We Hate You, Please Die and it features Crash and the Boys. Fans of Scott Pilgrim, y’all know. Also, I have a very very extensive playlist for Legolas. I’m not joking.

bleak midwinterAnyway, I digress.

I found The Beak Mid-Winter while perusing on 8tracks in December. It captures the mood, the raw feeling I’ve had since early October, when my depression began to really take its toll on me. The Bleak Mid-Winter is exactly that. When I feel weighed down I can give this playlist a listen and the indie sounds of melancholy put me at ease.

Current favorite: Charon by Keaton Henson


Oh, Spontaneity

Yesterday was a bit of a whirlwind. A slow, walking-uphill-for-a-good-hour kind of a whirlwind. Great weather and a need for adventure inclined my friend Brittney and me to go on a drive…all the way to the St. Louis Zoo. Which, for us, was over an hour-long drive with traffic…and finding a suitable and relatively close parking spot. We ended up having to walk all the way around the entire zoo because for some reason the sight of everyone leaving and all the entrances closed off wasn’t enough of a sign that the zoo was closing for the day. And when I say all around the zoo, friends, I mean we walked all the way around it. Halfway through our walk around, I realized my skirt was inside out. And Brittney’s heel was bleeding before the end ㅜ.ㅠ So much WHY.

We got some cool pictures out of it, though! And my vain ass is always looking for excuses to start a photoshoot.



scientists have alluded to brittney being an actual panda bear


wtf am i doing




Psssssssssst! I even drew my outfit sort of (hairy legs and all):


I really enjoy Brittney’s company, as we have been friends since the seventh grade (which would put us at eleven years of being friends, holy shit). She’s sweet and encouraging, and extremely imaginative. Brittney’s even taught herself how to read and write Hangul (the Korean alphabet) which is pretty freaking rad if you ask me. She’s got big dreams to live in Seoul one day, and I believe she could do it, even take up teaching English or becoming a translator as an occupation. Hella tight.

After our failed zoo trip, we ended up going to get some bubble tea down at the Delmar Loop, which is wonderful and delicious and we are both addicted to it. 10/10 highly recommend.


My Secret Life: Kiana, artist, 23.

It’s been quite a while since I’ve presented a full-fledged blog post. Usually, I’m jumping at any opportunity to blog about things that happen to me and my friends/family to force myself back into the swing of things. But blogging should come naturally, not forced out when you think your audience needs reminding that you’re still alive (btw, I’m still alive).
I read an online interview where the actor Sam Riley (swoon) was asked questions about his life. The questions were so great and adorable and fun that I had to steal it. Figured it’d be a great way to ease back into blogging again.
So, here we go!

The household I grew up in… was hectic. And I mean that in a very nice way, Mom and Dad. Four children at varying ages; biggest age difference is 20 years. There was never a time when we did not house any animals (strictly cats and dogs, though there was a mouse at one time….and a ball python…and some hermit crabs). My younger brother and I always brought home strays, to my parents’ dismay.

When I was a child I wanted to… be a number of things. An artist. A ballerina. Aladdin. POTUS. I was changing what I wanted to be all the time. It’s carried over into my adult years as well, haha. I don’t know what I want to do. I’m just going one day at a time.

If I could change one thing about myself… I’d be depression-free. That’d be the life.

You wouldn’t know it but I’m very good at… linking pretty much everything back to Lord of the Rings.

You may not know it but I’m no good at… writing. There have been plenty of times that I’ve tried to put a storyline together for a comic or something and it just blows up in my face. I’m better off illustrating.

At night I dream of… people who have moved on from me trying to get in contact with me again, which is wishful thinking as well as a blessing that it doesn’t actually occur. Oh, and a lot of battling orcs and stuff. No joke.

I wish I’d never worn… my hair straight. I won’t be making that mistake again.

It’s not fashionable but I like… kids television shows. Shut up. Yo Gabba Gabba is the shit.

My favorite building… Star Clipper’s old building. That’s where I met some of the best friends I could ever hope for, and got reintroduced to the comic culture I was raised in. They closed their doors for good this year, only to shout “surprise!” and relocate to another part of St. Louis. Bunch of precious LOSERS. I love them.

A book that changed me… That’s a hard one. That’s….oh God. Pass.

Movie heaven… Pretty much anything with Sam Riley in it right now. Okay, maybe not. 13 was a weird film. I’m still on the fence about it. Also, a Middle Earth Marathon including Lord of the Rings Trilogy and The Hobbit Trilogy, both extended. And the appendices! Gotta get that behind the scenes action. Oh! And Avengers: Age of Ultron, even though it’s not in theatres yet. But come on, Quicksilver in all his daddy-issue glory? Sign me UP.

My secret crush is… hahaha, y’all know that if I got a crush it ain’t a secret. See the above answer.

My greatest regret… not dealing with my depression sooner. There are many things I could have prevented if I didn’t ignore it.

My real-life villains…  People usually see me as the villain of their lives, which is awesome. I was told the other day I’m a combination of Maleficent and Scar’s best qualities, haha! Though I’m more Pinkie Brown from Brighton Rock, without the murder.

The person who really makes me laugh… My brothers, Darian and Jaycee. They’re honestly my best friends, we all grew up together. Damn, I wish I was that hilarious.

The last time I cried… Sunday night, when I was picking up some overtime. I went to chill with my clients (its hard to call it work on days like those, when we talk about boys and do makeup and watch movies). Well, we were watching Meet the Robinsons since I had never seen it and near the end of the film Rob Thomas’s Little Wonders played during a scene montage. And wow, it hit me like a freight train. Like God is trying to tell me that shit will be okay.

My clients were really confused.

My five-year plan… Keep moving forward.

What’s the point? Honestly, I don’t know. I was toying with the idea of moving to California one day and I got sad because I’d be leaving my favorite food joint–you heard me. I drove for an hour that night just to get their Korean beef burrito. Yes, I’ve realized that this doesn’t really answer the question.

My life in six words… Born. School. Art. Marriage. Depression. Rebuild.

Don’t call it a comeback! Okay, you can call it that…

imageSo as I sit on my bed nursing a budding wisdom tooth and watching past episodes of Sleepy Hollow, I get to thinking of something that I’ve been meaning to do. Something that I have put off for far too long: writing a damn blog post.

I mean, wow. So much has been happening, so much has happened already. I wish to share my art, my misadventures, my life with all of you. And for that to happen I need to catch up to the horse I fell off of and get back on the saddle. Or something.

After seven months I finally see light beyond the tunnel. This is it. I am ready. And I hope that you are too.

Thank you for sticking by me for this long, every single one of you. Great things are in store for all of us.